ah righty then i got sent this joke it goes like this
a duck walked into a pet food shop and asked the guy that worked there if he had any duck food the person said "no" and the duck walked out
the next day the duck walked in and asked again the man said "no we don't sell duck food" and the duck walked out.
the next day the duck walked in again, and again he asked, the man replied "listen we don't sell duck food if u ask me again i will nail you to the floor!"the duck walked out
he came back the next day he asked the guy "do u have n e nails?" the guy said "no" then the duck asked "well do u have n e duck food?"
well do u get it? if u don't like these type of jokes tell us we will try to put different ones in soon!
joke
A little boy walks into his parents room and sees his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mum sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen she dress's quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mum and asks, "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and some times I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"Your wasting your time." say's the boy
"Why is that?" asked his mum, puzzled
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
gross, i know! but still funny!
joke
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for , no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'" The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde." "She'll read it very slow."
mmm, should be the other way around! maybe we were born blonde? sum times it seems like it!
joke
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
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jokes
At school Little Tommy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Tommy decided to go home and try it out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his mother he said, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly handed him and said, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father to get home from work, and greeted him with, "I know the whole truth." Tommy's father promptly handed him and said, "Please don't say a word to your mother!" Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school the next day when he saw the mailman at his front door. Little Tommy greeted him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened his arms saying, "Then come give your daddy a big hug."
lol very funny hey!
scary if it happened though!
joke
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."
joke
The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!" Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought! Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh f**k,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more.... then farted."
he he he, guess the wife is dumber than the man! unusual
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